I Can't Fight This Feeling
by suzieq01
Summary: Emily Banks, has just lost both her parents, her best friend - Corey Taylor comes to Scotland to check on her; his marriage just ended, after years of being friends - can they navigate the waters of being a new couple?
1. Chapter 1

_**I Can't Fight This Feeling.**_

 _ **Written By; Sue Has.**_

 _ **Date Started; 27**_ _ **th**_ _ **July 2017.**_

 _ **Introduction;**_

 _The year was 1999; when a group of 9 rambunctious young men burst into the metal scene, and they changed the face of the dwindling genre. No one could have predicted the surge of positivity that came from their, almost, sudden appearance. With their unique style of grotesque masks and boiler suit attire – they were quite the spectacle to behold._

 _Of course the band being referenced is Slipknot!_

 _No one knew, least of all the band themselves, that they were going to be such a hit, not their phenomenal success. There had been nothing like them in the music industry and they instantly became the band of the alternative lifestyle – the misfits, the kids who were bullied and those whom merely loved the theatrics of it all._

 _That first gig that they played; was photographed by an 18-year-old photographer who was just starting out in her chosen career path. No one could have foretold the future that the band and this young photographer would be cemented for a lifetime. After that first gig, the young girl became the 'official' photographer for the band._

 _18 years later; the lead singer; Corey Taylor and the photographer; Emily Banks, would find themselves on a very unexpected road. Their lives were about to take a very drastic turn and no one knew that the true danger that these 2 friends were about to face. Something that everyone, apart from Corey and Emily, could see would come to fruition and take everyone by surprise._

 _ **L.A.**_

 _ **Corey Taylor;**_

Stalking around my large master bedroom; ripping cloths from their hangers or out of drawers with one hand while I held the phone with my other hand at my ear. The scent of my wives many candles was thick in the air while she was banging around downstairs in a mood because I was trying to talk to talk to my best friend. The truth is; when she heard that I was planning on traveling over to see her, my wife; Charlotte, was going to have a colossal shit fit.

" _Damn it Em's; answer your phone! I am worried about you,"_ I growled into the speaker. In all honesty, I didn't even know if she was even listening to her messages, or reading the texts or emails that I had sent.

The minute I ended the call; I quickly dialled the airport to book a ticket to Scotland where my best friend resided when she wasn't working. All the while I kept stuffing cloths into my bag. Securing the seat with my credit card I ended the call, took a few deep breaths before heading downstairs to let my wife know that I was indeed intending on leaving to see my best friend. I really wasn't relishing the inevitable bitch fit that I knew was going to come my way from my announcement.

In all honesty, I didn't understand my wives attitude when it came to Emily. My best friend was already my best friend when I met Charlotte. My wife had married me knowing that Emily was my best friend – she had been ok with it so what was her problem now? Without realising it – my wife was pushing me away.

"Well did you get a hold of her?" Charlotte asked as she cleared away the breakfast stuff.

"No!" I knew that it was about to kick off and I really wasn't in the mood. My mind was on my best friend and if she was ok. I didn't want to deal with my wife and her paranoid theories.

This past year had been like living in a nightmare. My wife was gone – she had been replaced by this paranoid, obsessive, clingy and insecure woman. I had never given her any cause to worry about me; I married Charlotte because I loved her, I had never strayed, I had never ignored her texts or her calls when I was on the road and I rarely hung out with my friends anymore. I just didn't understand why she was being like this with me.

"That's a shame!" my wife retorted sarcastically.

"Actually, it is because I'm going to have to fly over there," I replied and waited in baited breath for the inevitable eruption to come.

"What!?" with the speed in which she turned to look at me, I was surprised that she didn't get whiplash, "why?"

" _Why? Really!?"_ I exclaimed feeling my anger rising; she just nodded her head in response to my questions, _"she has just lost her parents, Charlotte!"_

"I know that Corey!" my wife hissed, "what I don't understand is; why it's your problem!"

I honestly, hand on my heart, couldn't believe what I was hearing. This woman was my wife but I absolutely didn't recognize her anymore. Where was her compassion? Where was her concern? I didn't understand because Charlotte was normally a kind-hearted woman who would go out of her way to help anyone in need; but it was like she had a personal vendetta against my best friend and I didn't understand why, Emily had always been nothing but nice about her.

"'Lotte she's my best friend," I sighed as I lit a cigarette in the hope that it would calm my building rage, "when we lost Paul; she was right there, no questions asked,"

"But why do you have to be the one to go to her?...why is it always you?"

Without a conscious thought, I began pacing. I couldn't believe that my wife was being so completely callous and when I didn't answer I knew what was coming next because this is always how the conversation went.

"Are you sleeping with her?"

I really couldn't keep having the same fight with her. I didn't cheat – as hard as it is to believe; I hadn't strayed from a girl since my 20's and I got married with no intention of ever doing so. It didn't matter how many times I tried to assure my wife – she had become paranoid beyond all belief and I just didn't know how to get through to her. I didn't even know if my wife was still in there.

"How many fucking times are we going to have this conversation, 'Lotte?"

"Until you tell the truth!"

"You're crazy!" the minute I said it, I knew that it was the absolutely wrong thing to say.

My instincts and reflexes were slow as a knife sailed through the air towards my head. Almost at the last second, I side stepped but I was too slow as the blade just grazed my cheek and embedded in the door that led to the garage. The heat of blood trickled down my cheek and I saw red.

" _ **Have you lost your fucking mind!?"**_ I roared reaching for napkins to place against my wound.

" _ **Tell me the fucking truth!"**_ there was no talking to her when she reached this level of insanity.

" _ **I have told you the fucking truth – you're just being fucking paranoid!"**_

This time my reflexes weren't so slow as I ducked as a bowl came flying at my head; smashing against the wall where the pieces rained down to the floor. The sound vibrating around the room; bouncing off the walls in the most perfect harmony I had ever heard.

" _ **Don't tell me that you don't find her attractive!"**_

The truth was; Emily was an extremely beautiful girl whom had grown in to a genuinely gorgeous woman. I had seen the men literally fall at her feet from the moment that she had started working with us. I had resigned myself to the fact that we would only ever be friends because I just couldn't compete with the guys who seemed to swarm around her. In complete honesty, I hadn't looked at Emily in a sexual way in over 10 years; long before Charlotte and I even knew one another.

Emily was honestly my best friend and we had faced so much together. I would end my marriage before I ended the friendship I had with Emily. Apparently, I was taking too long to reply as a cup came flying at my head.

What was I doing?

Was this really worth it? I couldn't keep doing this. Clearly, I may as well have been talking to a brick wall; as my wife wasn't listening to a damn word I said. I mean I was being accused, why not do it? At least then she would have basis to her paranoia.

" _ **I'm done!"**_

" _ **What the fuck do you mean by that?"**_ she screeched.

"I mean I can't…I won't do this anymore!" stalking out of the kitchen, I tore a path to the bedroom, grabbed my bag, my wallet, phone and keys.

"Where are you going?" my wife demanded as I landed back on the bottom floor of the house.

"I'm leaving," I needed space. I couldn't breathe here and I felt completely smothered.

"Where are you going? To _hers_ I bet!"

"Not tonight but I am leaving for Scotland tomorrow night,"

Pulling the door open and left before she could say or do anything else. My marriage was in more trouble than I had thought. I don't think that Charlotte and I are going to make it. It was nothing to do with Emily – my wife had just hammered the final nail in the coffin of our marriage. By her complete lack of faith in me; she had made it impossible for me to stay. And impossible for me to come home.

Climbing behind the wheel of my mustang, I pressed the play button on the car stereo to be greeted by the distinctive voice of Bruce Dickenson and Iron Maiden. Turning the key in the engine and roared out of the drive way.

Catching a glimpse of myself in the rear-view mirror – I could see a pretty long gash on my face and it was still bleeding. My wife had gone too far this time. Things were beyond repair and as sad as it made me feel; I knew that I needed to file for divorce. Now that things had become physical; I just couldn't and I wouldn't let it continue anymore – one of us had to be rational.

My marriage was officially over!

Turning my car in the direction of one of my sister's houses; I needed to sleep somewhere tonight and I knew that one of them would put me up. With the window open and Maiden on the stereo; I felt the calmest I had in the longest time. I just hoped that Emily was ok.

What Emily and I had; wasn't something that could be easily defined. In fact, Emily called me her platonic husband. I could almost see her if I concentrated hard enough – her shoulder length blonde hair, her aqua green eyes that I swear had men falling at her feet. The best thing about my best friend was that she was always so supportive and honest. I had thought that my wife was all those things but her behaviour of late was obsessive, controlling, aggressive and now violent.

Parking my car in my sister, Sky's driveway, next to my other sister Annalise's car. I was lucky that I had sisters; whom I genuinely got along with. Emily had no one. My friend was dealing with the death of her parent's all alone. I just hoped that she could hold out another couple days until I got there. For her not to answer any form of communication was a sign to me that she wasn't doing too good.

What my wife didn't understand was that I had promised Emily's dad; Gavin, that I would take care of his daughter. It was an easy promise to make because I had always taken care of her and looked out for her.

" _What the hell happened to you!?"_ my younger sister Sky demanded when she opened the door and saw my face.

So, for the next half hour, I explained to both my sisters what had transpired between myself and my wife. The whole time Annalise was trying to clean the slice on my cheekbone.

"Well big brother you know our opinion on the Emily situation," Annalise announced.

Along with my sisters, my mates and band members thought that Emily and I belonged together. It was an opinion that I knew didn't help with Charlotte's paranoid theories. I didn't know what to do for the best. Maybe I was meant to be with Emily. However, could it ever work due to the sheer length and strength of our friendship?

Emily was the one who was supportive, she was kind, understanding, gentle, compassionate and always willing to listen. There was the added bonus of her being absolutely gorgeous.

"I do," I nodded. My thoughts of my best friend racing away from me.

"Well you are being accused so you may as well!" Sky urged me.

Sky was the spunky of the two sisters who, had she been in my position would have just said right well you clearly want it to happen so I will go and do it. With little patience for people who were about drama or just looking for problems – she would demonstrate her ruthless personality and never apologised for it. I admired her for her that trait alone.

Annalise was almost the polar opposite – she believed in giving people chances, she believed in listening to what people had to say and trying to work on a problem together but if after her trying to offer solutions, she would become just as ruthless as Sky and I admired her for her patience.

I knew that both my sisters hated my wife. They had sussed her out from day one apparently. It didn't have anything to do with the fact that they were really close to Emily too. The 3 had met through me and they had just hit it off, they would go on girly holidays together, they would hang out and just laugh. Together they were a force to be reckoned with and I couldn't help but wonder if that was another thing that made Charlotte so paranoid. Even if it were, she should know me better than that by now – I wouldn't do something if I didn't want too. I was as stubborn as a mule and that was on my good days.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2;**_

 _ **Goodbye (To You).**_

 _ **By; The Painkillers.**_

 _I'm dead inside, but still alive,_

 _My soul it bleeds internally,_

 _Thirsting for a sip of your smile,_

 _A year ago, like yesterday,_

 _Lord you know how hard I prayed_

 _To make you stay here for a while,_

' _Cause life was better with you here,_

 _I know it will take some time to fully heal,_

 _Before we say goodbye,_

 _Unwanted change is moving on_

 _Still holding on to everything,_

 _Just to be your thoughts for a while,_

 _A year ago, like yesterday,_

 _Lord you know I'd give up anything,_

 _Just to have you here once again,_

' _Cause even when I lied you were mine,_

 _Even when you died you were mine,_

 _Cause life was better with you here,_

 _I know it will take some time to fully heal,_

 _Before we say goodbye, oh I got to heal,_

 _Before you say, before I say,_

 _Before we say goodbye,_

 _ **Elgin, Scotland,**_

 _ **2 days later;**_

 _ **Emily Banks;**_

I wasn't ignoring my friends on purpose; I just couldn't deal with talking to anyone at the moment. My emotions felt raw like they had been held hostage; all locked up by a tight rope and in a way, they had been – they had been held hostage by cancer. I had waited with baited breath for the nightmare to be over but it felt completely unending. I wanted it to stop, I wanted the hurting to stop, I wanted the grief to be over and I wanted all that I had lost back. My heart feels like it is lying at the very put of my chest; shattered into a million pieces. I just feel heavy and broken. I didn't know how to stop feeling these feelings of torture.

How could I talk to anyone; when my own mind was still struggling to comprehend what happened? What could I say? How do I articulate how, or what I am feeling?

My entire life had to such an unexpected stop that had it literally been physical; I'd have whiplash. Nothing could have prepared me for the impact of losing my parents. To lose one parent is bad enough; but to lose both within 6 months of each other was beyond all type of comprehension. Being an only child; I was completely overwhelmed by all that I had to do. I was not emotionally matured enough to deal with this. I felt lost and alone, like the time my mom and I had gone out shopping and I had wandered off alone only to realise that I was alone when I turned around and mom wasn't there – it was a sudden dread of what to do, where to go and who to trust.

My days were all meshed together – I couldn't even tell you the day of the week.

It had all started when my dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer; after a, round of chemo and an operation to remove his stomach, where we had thought that we were going to lose him as he had a rough time, being on a ventilator and in intensive care for 10 days – we had been so happy when he turned that corner and we eventually got to take him home. With a bowel bag, we had to learn how to safe clean out the attachment which was low down on his abdomen, we did everything that we could to ensure that he would get better. A month after he had been home; he had to go back to the cancer clinic for a scan etc, and they informed us that the cancer was gone for the moment. My mom and I couldn't have been happier by that. About a month later; he caught a cold which turned to pneumonia and he ended up in the hospital where they tried everything to help him; 3 weeks later, still in the hospital they did a scan which revealed that the cancer was back and more aggressive; and there was nothing that they could do this time. The day after we were told that, my dad passed away alone in a side room, where he had been placed for privacy.

My mom was broken, she crumbled and nothing I said or did helped to ease her pain. From the day that my dad died, my mom was being sick no matter what she ate, it would come straight back up. At first, I thought that it was just grief and stress from losing my dad, but after it had been going on for a while, I forced her into going to see her doctor. An endoscopy showed that she had a tumour in her oesophagus. 2 months later she was dead – she hadn't even made it to her first chemo treatment. I was there when she had taken her last breath and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It was one of my last memories of her and it broke my heart. 2 days she had laid in a hospital bed struggling to breathe – all they could do for her was ensure that she was comfortable, there was a needle in her arm pumping in morphine and muscle relaxants to ensure her comfort. For 2 days, she had laid there not opening her eyes, not talking and to sit and watch her, it felt like I was watching her suffocate slowly.

The hardest thing for me was that my mom and dad were planning on travelling. They had both recently retired and they hadn't travelled as much as I had and they wanted to change that. My dad was a huge Elvis fan and his first port of call was going to be Graceland. Luckily, I would have been joining my friends and travelling around the festival circuit at the time. It was supposed to be my parents time alone together – they had put their lives on hold when I was born and everything that they did was for me. Everything that I had managed to accomplish was because of my parents – I owed them everything.

I felt so completely out of my depth. There was so much to do that I had absolutely no idea of where to start.

" _EM'S!?"_ my best friends voice called out through the house as he let himself in, _"EMILY, WHERE ARE YOU?"_ he was opening and closing doors all through the house in his search for me.

" _I'M IN MY FOLKS ROOM!"_ I called back pulling the covers off my head as he all but threw himself towards the room and tumbled in looking almost maniacal. There was a cut on the side of his face. _"What the hell happened to you?"_ I demanded getting up and all but running at him. My panic was at hysterical proportions – I can't lose anyone else. I just can't. Next to my parents; Corey was the next important person in my life.

Grabbing him and pulling him into my arms, I held on as if my life depended on it. And I guess it did really. I don't know what I would do if I lost him too.

"It's nothing, mate!"

"Don't lie to me dude," it never failed to amaze me that he thought he could lie to me and get away with it. We had been friends for almost 20 years and we had been in close quarters for a lot of that time. I knew all his tells and he seemed to think that I hadn't been paying that much attention to him.

"I'm not lying!" the heat in his cheeks spoke very differently.

"The hell you're not!"

"I'm not dudette," he had penned me as his dudette and it was a name that I loved. No one else could get away with calling me that though; only Corey.

"Fine, well if you won't tell me I will just call your sisters,"

"Em's you have enough going on!"

Moving away from him; I grabbed my phone – unlocking the screen, I could see that my phone was overrun with missed calls, voice mail, texts and emails.

"Ok! Ok!" he held his hand out for my phone, "I'll tell you!"

Reaching for his hand, I pulled him from my parent's room which was right at the back of the house; it was just off the kitchen, so I grabbed the kettle and began to pour water into it as Corey lit a cigarette and passed it to me.

Corey Taylor as a best friend was simply amazing; the minute he had heard about my dad, he jumped a plane and arrived less than 48 hours later. Holding me up while I held my mom up, I know that I couldn't have gotten through those days without him. Whenever mom needed something, he was on top of it and I knew that he had a good relationship with her as well as he had with my dad. Then when mom passed he was right here again; no word of complaint, no sign of him being impatient with me – he just went into that caring mode where he took over the arrangements and all that needed done for the funeral etc.

Thanks to Corey and the other members of Slipknot, my career had taken off in a direction that I hadn't even allowed myself to imagine; and it had been as instant as their own career as a group had been. I got along with all the guys; but I was the closest to Corey. My best friend had this almost, crazy like charisma that just pulled people to him; he was like a magnet that you couldn't escape. It was all part of the package that made him one of the best voices and presences in the metal scene of our generation. I was honoured to not only know him, but to also spend my life with him as my platonic husband.

I had heard the whispers from the people that knew us; about how they thought that we should be together. In the early years of us working together; I had laboured a little crush but when he hadn't shown an interest in me, I had met Jason and we ended up getting married. It had never even occurred to me that Corey was interested in me in return. Then he had married Charlotte and I completely buried all the feelings that I had for him on a romantic level.

I would rather have him as a friend, than nothing at all!

My marriage ended about a year before Corey and Charlotte got married. Corey and I are friends; we had seen one another through some horrific times and that hadn't changed when he got married, and it hadn't changed when I had been married.

"Right spit it out!" I ushered him to the living room at the front of the house.

"Em's I came here to check on you and not dump my drama on you!"

"Corey Todd Taylor – I will call your sisters. Just because you have my phone won't stop me as they are both on my speed dial on the landline!" I threatened.

"Fine," he sighed residing himself to my demand. The sunlight was beginning to sink behind the horizon, leaving a beautiful canvas of purple, orange and whites all meshing together in the sky. The air was still so humid as summer fought with the cooler spring season for dominance.

My best friend was stubborn as all hell; it was a trait that I shared with him; so, he knew better than anyone that I wasn't going to back down from this; we had some legendary head locks when it came to our opinions but we always managed to resolve it in the end. I loved my best friend immensely but that didn't mean that I would let shit slide from him just because he was famous.

I honestly don't know where I would be without him – he had saved my life on numerous occasions.

Jason had walked out on me when I had been working the Download Festival in England. I had come home to an empty apartment. No note, no explanation – it was like he had just disappeared off the face of the earth. For months, I heard nothing from him, I had no answers and no idea where he had disappeared too. I didn't know if he had found someone else, or if he had just needed time and would finally come back. It was like living in limbo.

At the time, I had thought that it was the worst thing that I'd face. How naïve had I been?

I'm not too proud to admit that I had loved Jason more than I had ever loved anyone before, or after really. Once he left, I didn't plan on ever letting another man get close enough to me again to hurt me in that way. I had become a strict one night only girl.

Corey was scratching the light scattering of hair on his face – he really was an extremely handsome man. With his abundance of tattoos, the baby blue eyes and very kissable lips; it was impossible for me not to be attracted to him. The best thing about him – he made me laugh. From the moment that I had met him, he was always cracking me up.

When Jason had finally come back to our apartment – he explained that he wasn't comfortable with my friendship with Corey; (I had never told Corey that) and he hated that I was always gone working and that he had seen guys always checking me out and/or hitting on me. From what he had said, he just couldn't live like that; not without getting jealous and he apparently didn't like who he was when he was jealous. The part about me travelling all around the world and never being home – I could understand. However, the rest of it was horse shit. I had never, nor would I have ever cheated on him, that wasn't the woman I was.

"Charlotte and I had an argument!"

"'Lotte did that to you?" I exclaimed, my eyes met his and I could see the hurt shining brightly as he nodded his reply. The thing with Corey was that once he loved you; he was 100% loyal and he would do anything for the people that he loved, "why?" I asked as my anger began to bubble. Who the hell did Charlotte think she was?

The problem was that I got the impression that my best friends wife didn't like me. I had tried to find different ways to bond with her but she resisted every time. I didn't know why. I had been nothing but nice to her; but all bets were off now. Now that she had physically attacked my best friend I wouldn't hold back.

"Same reason as Jason!"

"What do you mean?" I asked feeling on edge. The thing was I never wanted Corey to know about Jason because I knew that he'd blame himself for my marriage ending when in all honesty; it was Jason's issues – he was the one who was paranoid.

"Me being on the road all the time!" his eyes flashed with something that told me that he was holding back on me.

For as well as I knew him, he knew me and I couldn't help but wonder if he had seen that I had been holding something back when I had told him what Jason had said! I mean it was possible but he hadn't pushed and I knew that right now; he didn't need any more hassle, so for now I let the issue go and moved to the sofa where he was sat, and wrapped my arms around him.

Almost as if that were what he had been waiting for, he caved against me and clung to me as if his life depended on it. I wouldn't let him go through this alone. Charlotte had made a huge mistake in striking my best friend and she would know that soon enough.

For the first time since my dad passed away; I felt that life was moving forward. That I was moving forward with my life, and I knew that both my parents would have wanted that more than anything else for me. It didn't mean that I had stopped mourning them, it just meant that my heart was ready to let other things in. It felt like it had been a long time coming.


End file.
